


Cigar Smoke Forever

by LordOfThePoptarts



Category: Overwatch (Video Game)
Genre: Angst, Cancer, Established Relationship, Hurt/Comfort, Lung Cancer, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-24
Updated: 2017-05-24
Packaged: 2018-11-04 07:24:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,513
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10986198
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LordOfThePoptarts/pseuds/LordOfThePoptarts
Summary: "You know all those cigars you smoke are going to kill you right?"Hanzo wished with all his heart he could take those words back





	Cigar Smoke Forever

    Jesse stared out at the ocean as he sat on the cliffs of Gibraltar, legs dangling over the edge, as he smoked a cigar. The ocean was pan flat and the gulls squawked as they swooped down beneath the surface to swipe at fish, often coming back up with their prizes. The scene looked almost as if it could be on a postcard, but considering he was on a secret base Jesse doubted this scene would ever make its way into any souvenir shop. His serape blew around him, billowing in such a way he almost felt like he was wearing a cape. His spurs jingled as he swung his legs back and forth, smacking against the cliff face every time he brought his feet back. 

The cigar smoke spiraled in the wind and every minute or so he would switch from having the cigar dangle between his fingers to hanging from his mouth. He was nervous. Not the kind of nervous that you get on the battlefield, that was a calm nervousness, it steadied your hands, this kind of nervousness shook them. He’d been nervous plenty of times before this. The first time he shot a gun, first near death experience, first time he killed someone, losing his virginity, he could go on and on forever. He thought the cigar would help, but it did nothing but speed up his heart rate, making him feel sweaty and panicky, and Jesse was not a man who was either of those things often. Okay, maybe the sweaty one often, but never panicky. He didn’t have a clue why he was nervous either. He knew that was a lie as well. He’d just gotten the news from Angela this morning and had been putting off telling Hanzo all day. In fact, he’d prefer not to tell Hanzo at all, but considering how touchy-feely he always was with Hanzo, his sudden avoidance was obvious. He had told Hanzo to meet him here around six o clock, but he had been sitting her for about an hour before that, just trying to clear his head, and figure out how to phrase the news.

It wasn’t long before he heard footsteps behind him, and another warm body slid down beside him. The two of them didn’t speak for a long time; just stared out at the ocean holding each-other’s hands. Hanzo, eventually broke the silence.

“Why did you call me here Jesse?” Hanzo asked quietly, not looking at his lover, instead still choosing to stare out at the scene before them. “You have been avoiding me all day.”

“Well darling, it’s a little complicated.” Jesse took a long drag of his cigar and slowly blew the smoke out.

“We have time.” Hanzo, now, turned to look at Jesse, studying his face.

“I went in for my checkup with Angela this morning…” Jesse took another drag.

“And?”

“And, well…Hanzo, baby, you know I love you right.” McCree also turned to look at Hanzo and he stubbed his cigar out to clutch both of Hanzo’s hands in earnest. “More than anything in the world.”

“Yes, I do know that Jesse, but what does you going to see Angela have anything to do with that?”

McCree took a deep breath, “Hanzo, darling, Angela said…well my scans didn’t come back too good.”

“What does that mean Jesse, what is going on?” Worry bled into Hanzo’s voice as he wrangled his hands from Jesse’s, crossing his arms over his chest.

“It’s cancer honey. Lung cancer if we’re being specific. But we caught it early…”

McCree voice was just a buzzing in Hanzo’s head as he continued to talk on and on attempting to reassure Hanzo. The words just bounced off his mind, however, and he just stared at McCree’s face. He thought back to all the times he joked that the cigars Jesse smoked were going to kill him, but suddenly those jokes didn’t seem funny at all anymore. He wondered how long McCree had known, he said he saw Angela this morning, so he guessed all day. Hanzo’s mind wasn’t even processing anymore anything Jesse was saying. Instead in his mind two words seemed to float up above all the rest. Lung Cancer. The odd part of Hanzo’s brain registered that McCree had been smoking a cigar when he arrived and a hazy thought of ‘Yet still he smokes’ surfaced before being buried again by Lung Cancer, and the fact that Hanzo couldn’t just fight Lung Cancer. Hanzo didn’t know what to do with this new information, and to think Jesse was trying to comfort him and tell him everything was going to be all right. He wasn’t the one who was sick! Suddenly, everything seemed to whip back into focus and Hanzo turned quickly to McCree and enveloped him in a hug.

“We will get through this Jesse. I will not lose you.”

The two sat on the cliff for a long time after that. Neither of them said anything. They both simply sat there and held hands. Once, McCree reached for a cigar and Hanzo smacked the box into the ocean. 

“Maybe the fish will die instead of you.” An air of tension arose after that remark from Hanzo and eventually night fell leaving the two staring out at the dark expanse of the ocean. Hanzo was the first to get up to leave, the cold night air whipped around them and his clothes were anything but suitable to keep out the chill.

“Are you coming?” Hanzo asked tentatively attempting to ease the tension between the two of them.

“No, I’m think I’m gonna stay out here a little while longer.” McCree replied.

Hanzo bent down and McCree turned to look at him as Hanzo carefully placed a light kiss on his lips. The kiss tasted of cigar ash and salt.  
“I love you, Jesse McCree, do not forget that. I have simply seen enough people I love die that I could not bear losing you. It would break me Jesse.” Jesse simply nodded and continued to stare out at the sea. Hanzo sighed and rubbed his hand over McCree’s back. “Good night, my love.” Again, Jesse did not reply.

 

The next day Jesse was nowhere to be found. Hanzo had searched the entire base from top to bottom, he had even asked Genji where the man was, but even he didn’t know, and usually Genji knew all McCree’s comings and goings. Hanzo asked Angela last, and she simply said he was in a program to get help that she couldn’t provide on base, and she wouldn’t tell Hanzo where the program was located. She said McCree didn’t want him to know where he was. This was crushing news to Hanzo who had already planned how they were to fight Jesse’s disease together last night, but now…Maybe his words had truly hurt Jesse. 

Hanzo walked around the base in a daze for the next few weeks. He only surfaced from his room to eat, and even then, most days he took the food back to his room. His room was a mess of old clothes piled up on the floor and old dishes overflowing the bathroom sink. This was a far cry from his usual neatness, but Hanzo didn’t care anymore. He had fallen into a crippling depression without McCree. Angela still refused to tell him where McCree was being treated, or even news of how it was going. Hanzo felt his heart ache without Jesse. Life felt colorless and meaningless. Not even Genji’s constant prodding to get him out of bed seemed to help. He merely wanted to lay there and waste away. It killed him to not be able to help Jesse through his disease, or hold his hand, or just see his face. He regretted mentioning death the night Jesse told him. He should have been strong and supportive, what Jesse was looking for, instead of overreacting and being an asshole. Now he couldn’t even apologize. 

More weeks passed and eventually Hanzo found himself able to get out of bed, with help from Genji of course. Now most days found him meditating alone by the cliffs and staring out at the ocean. Jesse had still not returned and Hanzo had stopped asking at this point. If Angela wouldn’t tell him then he would assume McCree dead. It was easier on his heart than continuing to wait for the man who obviously didn’t care about him enough to even let him know how he was doing. Did his heart still feel like a shriveled husk of what it once was, yes, but there was nothing he could do about that. Jesse had broken him, and he needed to move on if he was to continue living. Before he knew it the one-year anniversary of Jesse’s leaving was upon him. 

Jesse did not come back. Hanzo didn’t know why he was expecting him to but he was somehow. Some part of him just couldn’t believe Jesse was dead, or even alive somewhere uncaring about him. Jesse’s words echoed in his head. ‘You know I love you right, more than anything in the world.’ Hanzo guessed that wasn’t true. He was sitting on the cliffs almost exactly where Jesse had been when he’d told him the news when Angela walked up to him and sat down.

“Hello, Hanzo.” Angela said.

“Good evening Dr. Ziegler.”

“Call me Angela if you please, we’re not exactly in a formal situation here are we.”

“Of course…Angela.”

“Today is the day!” She seemed entirely elated and Hanzo stared at her quizzically. 

“What do you mean?”

“Jesse’s treatment is over.”

“Oh…” Hanzo didn’t let his emotions show, and simply went back to staring out at the ocean. So, the bastard wasn’t dead after all. 

“I thought you would be excited.” Angela frowned and now she stared at Hanzo quizzically. 

“You wouldn’t tell me anything about his treatment, so what does it matter to me if he’s done or not. I do not even know where he resides currently.” 

“Numbani.” Angela informed him a small smile on her face, “You have to understand the treatment although much better than what we had in the old days, is very intense. He didn’t want you to see him like that.”

Hanzo heart ached at the thought that McCree didn’t hate him, but he still couldn’t be sure. “Thank you, Angela, but why tell me all this now?”

“McCree wanted me to tell you when he was done so you could come visit him.”

“I’m afraid that won’t be necessary.” Hanzo replied coldly.

“What?” Angela replied shocked.

“I am not going to visit him.”

“But—“

“I am not visiting him.” Hanzo cut her off, “Since he was selfish enough to do this on his own he can suffer on his own for longer for all I care.”

“Hanzo he wasn’t trying to leave you alone, he was thinking of you.”

“No! He was thinking of himself. I will not visit him.”

Angela stood up, “If I can’t convince you?”

“No.”

Angela nodded and patted him on the back and began to walk away. As she walked away she called out over her shoulder, “He still loves you, you know. They say all he ever does is talk about you, and how excited he is to see you.”

Hanzo clenched his fists and swallowed hard. He was still angry at McCree no matter how much he loved him. If he loved him so much he would come back for him. Wouldn’t leave him like some idiot war bride waiting for her lover to come home. A week passed before McCree showed his face around the base, and when he did come back he looked…different.

McCree’s short hair was the first thing he noticed. No longer the long flowing mane he loved to run his hands through, but instead he appeared like a shorn sheep. His face was gaunt, pale, and sunken in. He looked almost nothing like the McCree he knew previously. Hanzo watched his arrival from his room, he refused to go down to meet him, but he swore he caught Jesse’s eye from the courtyard before he quickly shut the door. It wasn’t until a couple hours later that he got the knock on the door he was expecting. 

“Ya gonna let me in, darling?” Hanzo stayed put on the bed, he’d purposely left the door locked. Although part of him, a part he hated, still loved McCree desperately. Eventually Jesse left and Hanzo was left alone again. It was Genji who eventually brought Hanzo to his senses.

“You cannot keep avoiding him like this ani, can’t you see it is hurting the both of you.”

“He was the one who avoided me first.” As soon as he said it Hanzo instantly regretted it, as he sounded childish. 

“You are not a child anymore, you cannot just pout and expect him to fall at your door pleading for forgiveness. He is going to give you space as long as you seem like you need space.”

“But I just…he left Genji.”

“I know he did and he is a fool for leaving you out of the loop, but you must forgive him for that. Just as I have forgiven you for wronging me. You must forgive him.”

“Thank you, Genji.”

“Anytime.”

Hanzo walked up to McCree in the dining hall and the whole room fell silent. Hanzo leaned down to whisper in McCree’s ear.   
“Meet me in my room at six o clock this evening, we must talk.” 

Promptly at six o clock, the knob clicked and the door squeaked as it swung open. He sensed Jesse presence in the doorway.

“Come in McCree.” Hanzo wasn’t looking at him, instead he was sitting on the bed staring at the wall

“Oh darling…” Hanzo felt McCree’s hands hovering over him unsure if he could touch him or not. Hanzo sunk back into the touch and McCree knelt on the bed to get closer to him. “I’m so sorry darling. I never should have left you like that, I don’t know what I was thinking.”

“You weren’t.” Hanzo whispered, voice hoarse, he had been crying. 

“You’re right I wasn’t.”

“You selfish fool.” McCree just nodded and hugged him harder.

“I missed ya darling.”

“I did as well.” The two were silent for a moment, “I meant what I said, you broke me Jesse.”

“And I can’t apologize enough for that.” 

“No, you cannot. You owe me an incredible debt, Jesse.”

“Well maybe I can start making it up to you now?” Jesse leaned down and kissed Hanzo on the lips. His kiss no longer tasted of cigar ash, but instead now of chemicals and tap water.

“You quit smoking?”

“You’re words really got to me hun. I didn’t want to end up dead. I wanted to be around with you as long as possible.”

Hanzo smiled softly up at the man, “You are a fool.”

“Yeah, but I’m your fool.”

Hanzo chuckled, “Yes, yes you are.”  
   


End file.
